hearts disfigured.

Well it kind of hurts when the kind of words you write kind of turn themselves into knives. And don't my nerve, you could call it fiction but I like being submerged in your contradictions, dear.

-A Beautiful Mess, Jason Mraz.

feeling too much gets exhausting after a while

When emotions get the best of you, you're basically screwed.

They are mercilessly powerful, and are easily evoked. They make you irrational. They stupefy you, curbing your capability to think sensibly. They obscure logic. Some people are slaves to them, propelled to extremes, their perspectives and actions driven entirely by emotions.

Then again, without them, we lose our humanity. Emotions exist as a sign that we live for something. Positive ones make us feel good about ourselves, bitter ones, more often than not, help us to realize what truly matters to us. Disappointment, regret, jealousy and all their sore cousins.

Sadly, we can't happily decide the circumstances in which they are allowed to overwhelm us with their presence, or when they choose to manifest themselves as they grandiosely announce their arrival. (Unless you're in complete control of your emotions, then good for you.) Nor can we predict the extent to which they may engulf every fibre of our being, or how long they will prolong their stay. They strike unexpectedly in relentless waves at the most inopportune of times, leaving us crippled over by their gravity.

Which is why, a switch like the one above would be convenient. Really convenient.

bonjour

So it's been 5 days since WACE has been over. WACE = Western Australian Certificate of Education, in case you're wondering. Or in simpler terms, my final exams.

Frankly, the days of preparation prior to WACE have been far less stressful than those before SPM last year. SPM was yet another major hurdle we had to overcome before graduating from high school except it tested students' capacity to osmose and do the technicolor yawn rather than actual intellect. Probably because for AUSMAT, we had only 5 subjects, 6 less than the 11 I took for SPM.

Also, content-wise, AUSMAT is much less of a headache than SPM. The amount of facts we were required to know in Form 5 is enough to give anyone a cerebral hemorrhage (I've been watching Grey's Anatomy), unlike in college where knowing the book inside out isn't everything. It doesn't suffice; what makes the cut is knowing how to apply the knowledge. AUSMAT loves indirect questions.

Anyway, I'm pretty excited for next year, being in a new environment and meeting new people. But at the same time, I know I'll miss Sunway. I already do, and I haven't even left. Oh well, I guess it's true what they say : Change is the only constant. And quoting Nicole who quoted Ms. Priya, "If you can't adapt to changes, you're gonna struggle to survive." Spoken like a true Bio lecturer.

Anyway, time for Grey's Anatomy again. Till my next post, au revoir!

i have never felt more inadequate

Learning has no end to it. Putting aside all the unpleasant connotations of this idea (mostly by students), I have somehow managed to give it meaning.

I don't know a whole lot of things. And that's what scares me the most. I'm just a girl, one person out of 6 billion sentient beings that walk on this planet. Day in, day out, trifling things cross my mind.

Oh no, did I inadvertently make her mad?

He's looking exceptionally good today.

I'm starving and craving for IKEA meatballs.

I love her outfit.

Didn't he wear the exact same shirt yesterday?

That was one bloody awesome lecture.

Realizing the extent to which my thoughts are superficial disappoints me.

I feel so disempowered. So limited. I wish to have gone through an education system that focuses more on the present. Emphasis on more.

By this, I mean one that encourages us to explore current pressing issues around the world, one that truly challenges us to think analytically and critically in dealing with these problems-basically, an education system that makes us believe that we can make a change by giving us the opportunity to be involved now.

At the heart of every schooling system, lies the admirable mission and vision of equipping students with knowledge. Knowledge in subjects like Chemistry, Psychology, Biology, Accounting as the ultimate passport to a secure job, which in turn, a few years down the road (depending on the selected course), is used to give back to the society, to contribute to the greater good of the people.

Highly commendable, isn't it, this noble aspiration held by those behind this philosophy?

But what about now? I am seventeen and a half years young and I have the energy and the will to do something, anything, or at very least, be given the assurance that I can make a difference in this world, that I can make a change.

to separate the wheat from the chaff

The above, dear friends, is a euphemism for "unfriend"-ing people on Facebook. People whom I haven't the slightest inkling of how they initially ended up on my buddy list.

This is a tedious process (going to each stranger's profile and clicking the hateful 'UNFRIEND' button) as there are many such people on my list, but one that I go through whenever I have the time just because- okay nevermind, I have ranted enough on this in a previous post. If you haven't already read it and are curious about my seeming antisocial, you can read it here.