come away with me

Hi. I have gotten sick of Blogger and have moved to www.crash-into-me.posterous.com. See you there! =)

change is the only constant

People change. They really do. Since the dawn of time, change has been the driving force that has propelled humans into the era of civilization. People mature, adjust and refine themselves for the better.

Things that used to mean the world to you 2 years back do not matter now. Things you think you cannot live without now, will come to mean nothing to you in 10 years time. You'll probably laugh about it in the future.

Many things cause change. Time. Distance. People. Realization.

Change hurts. But without change, there can be no growth.

When we say things like “people don’t change” it drives scientists crazy because change is literally the only constant in all of science. Energy. Matter. It’s always changing, morphing, merging, growing, dying. It’s the way people try not to change that’s unnatural. The way we cling to what things were instead of letting things be what they are. The way we cling to old memories instead of forming new ones. The way we insist on believing despite every scientific indication that anything in this lifetime is permanent. Change is constant. How we experience change that’s up to us. It can feel like death or it can feel like a second chance at life. If we open our fingers, loosen our grips, go with it, it can feel like pure adrenaline. Like at any moment we can have another chance at life. Like at any moment, we can be born all over again.

so this song is perfection.

And I told you to be patient
And I told you to be fine
And I told you to be balanced
And I told you to be kind

And in the morning, I'll be with you
But it will be a different kind
'Cause I'll be holding all the tickets
And you'll be owning all the fines

Come on skinny love, what happened here?

My biological clock has more issues than Vogue.

I've been burning the candle at both ends. Sleeping past 4am and waking up around 3pm for the past few days.

"such a victim of circumstance"

I have never really understood what people are trying to say when they tweet things like "Why, hello there, December! Please be good to me!" or -even more outrageous- "December, hope you'll be less of a bitch than November!"

Sounds to me as though they're all big on the imponderables and perhaps pop psychology-Destiny/Fate/Kismet/the stars (whatever tickles your fancy). And that they have no role whatsoever in deciding how their lives will turn out to be. Frankly, it's utter bullshit to leave everything into God's hands. I mean, if each and every one of us is placed on this planet for a purpose, supposedly destined to be someone recognizable one day, why bother being up and about every morning and pretending we'd rather not be snuggled up in bed all day, catching up on How I Met Your Mother since our future is predetermined by the Universe? The ideal job for us will simply fall into our laps when the time is right anyway, right? Wrong. Heck, if that's how simplistic life is, the notion of chasing your dreams and fulfilling your potential would not even exist, much less heard of.

You are not defenseless against the reality you were thrown into and are now living in. Without a doubt, the happenstance factor does intervene in life, but not to that great an extent as to how we perceive and cope with adversity that comes our way- problems we have to solve, challenges we have to overcome, perplexities we have to understand and conflicts we have to resolve. Mind over matter. Be the change you want to see. Take life into your own hands. For you are the master of your own destiny.

hearts disfigured.

Well it kind of hurts when the kind of words you write kind of turn themselves into knives. And don't my nerve, you could call it fiction but I like being submerged in your contradictions, dear.

-A Beautiful Mess, Jason Mraz.

feeling too much gets exhausting after a while

When emotions get the best of you, you're basically screwed.

They are mercilessly powerful, and are easily evoked. They make you irrational. They stupefy you, curbing your capability to think sensibly. They obscure logic. Some people are slaves to them, propelled to extremes, their perspectives and actions driven entirely by emotions.

Then again, without them, we lose our humanity. Emotions exist as a sign that we live for something. Positive ones make us feel good about ourselves, bitter ones, more often than not, help us to realize what truly matters to us. Disappointment, regret, jealousy and all their sore cousins.

Sadly, we can't happily decide the circumstances in which they are allowed to overwhelm us with their presence, or when they choose to manifest themselves as they grandiosely announce their arrival. (Unless you're in complete control of your emotions, then good for you.) Nor can we predict the extent to which they may engulf every fibre of our being, or how long they will prolong their stay. They strike unexpectedly in relentless waves at the most inopportune of times, leaving us crippled over by their gravity.

Which is why, a switch like the one above would be convenient. Really convenient.

bonjour

So it's been 5 days since WACE has been over. WACE = Western Australian Certificate of Education, in case you're wondering. Or in simpler terms, my final exams.

Frankly, the days of preparation prior to WACE have been far less stressful than those before SPM last year. SPM was yet another major hurdle we had to overcome before graduating from high school except it tested students' capacity to osmose and do the technicolor yawn rather than actual intellect. Probably because for AUSMAT, we had only 5 subjects, 6 less than the 11 I took for SPM.

Also, content-wise, AUSMAT is much less of a headache than SPM. The amount of facts we were required to know in Form 5 is enough to give anyone a cerebral hemorrhage (I've been watching Grey's Anatomy), unlike in college where knowing the book inside out isn't everything. It doesn't suffice; what makes the cut is knowing how to apply the knowledge. AUSMAT loves indirect questions.

Anyway, I'm pretty excited for next year, being in a new environment and meeting new people. But at the same time, I know I'll miss Sunway. I already do, and I haven't even left. Oh well, I guess it's true what they say : Change is the only constant. And quoting Nicole who quoted Ms. Priya, "If you can't adapt to changes, you're gonna struggle to survive." Spoken like a true Bio lecturer.

Anyway, time for Grey's Anatomy again. Till my next post, au revoir!

i have never felt more inadequate

Learning has no end to it. Putting aside all the unpleasant connotations of this idea (mostly by students), I have somehow managed to give it meaning.

I don't know a whole lot of things. And that's what scares me the most. I'm just a girl, one person out of 6 billion sentient beings that walk on this planet. Day in, day out, trifling things cross my mind.

Oh no, did I inadvertently make her mad?

He's looking exceptionally good today.

I'm starving and craving for IKEA meatballs.

I love her outfit.

Didn't he wear the exact same shirt yesterday?

That was one bloody awesome lecture.

Realizing the extent to which my thoughts are superficial disappoints me.

I feel so disempowered. So limited. I wish to have gone through an education system that focuses more on the present. Emphasis on more.

By this, I mean one that encourages us to explore current pressing issues around the world, one that truly challenges us to think analytically and critically in dealing with these problems-basically, an education system that makes us believe that we can make a change by giving us the opportunity to be involved now.

At the heart of every schooling system, lies the admirable mission and vision of equipping students with knowledge. Knowledge in subjects like Chemistry, Psychology, Biology, Accounting as the ultimate passport to a secure job, which in turn, a few years down the road (depending on the selected course), is used to give back to the society, to contribute to the greater good of the people.

Highly commendable, isn't it, this noble aspiration held by those behind this philosophy?

But what about now? I am seventeen and a half years young and I have the energy and the will to do something, anything, or at very least, be given the assurance that I can make a difference in this world, that I can make a change.

to separate the wheat from the chaff

The above, dear friends, is a euphemism for "unfriend"-ing people on Facebook. People whom I haven't the slightest inkling of how they initially ended up on my buddy list.

This is a tedious process (going to each stranger's profile and clicking the hateful 'UNFRIEND' button) as there are many such people on my list, but one that I go through whenever I have the time just because- okay nevermind, I have ranted enough on this in a previous post. If you haven't already read it and are curious about my seeming antisocial, you can read it here.

come what may

So I walked to college today, elated that I've made up my mind to attend AUSMAT night with the best friends after all. Why I didn't consider going in the first place will be explained some other time, for this post is about the last day of college, or more specifically, AUSMAT. I have always known that this day would come, but its meaning has never hit me so hard, until I woke up this morning with a bitter slap of realization that indeed, the dreaded day was here. No classes were held today, as students and lecturers alike were too busy bonding and taking photos to capture the last moments that will be spent together.

It makes me sad, really. Only when we can tell with confidence that something is slipping away, we get scared stiff and we try so hard -maybe a lil too hard- to keep that from happening. We hold on to time tighter, willing it to stay just a bit longer. We run about frantically, arms flailing around madly, gadgets in hand, beckoning people to come into the photo, so that that moment in time -of togetherness and warmth and camaraderie- will be frozen, able to be cherished and reminisced about in the future. But I guess that's just human nature, to not really know what we've got till it's gone. Or almost gone.

This year, I have gained new experiences and learned many things. Patience, tolerance, acceptance and encompassing everything else, friendship. If it had not been for the many good people I've met this year who have touched my life in one way or another -some maybe more than the rest but have shaped me all the same- I honestly cannot imagine how I would've turned out. So I just wanna thank you, all of you. For making yesterday worth remembering and tomorrow worth anticipating. You guys know who you are. :)

I would do AUSMAT all over again if it means we'd see each other everyday, as it had always been, for the past give or take 10 months.

sometimes, i feel too much. other times, i don't feel at all.

Okay, so my last 2 posts were about people in general. What I don't like about them. Perhaps I've made an impression on you. And I don't blame you.

At times, when I go blog-walking, and read two subsequent posts on a person's blog expressing annoyance or utter incredulity at how people behave, I tend to be judgmental and brand that person as irritable, fixating too much on people's imperfections and as such not able to see the bigger picture in life, and all the other labels that are conjured up subconsciously and automatically upon taking in complaint after complaint of people's unreasonableness and/or lack of regard for common sense.

But now, being forced to be faced with the aforementioned human peccadilloes firsthand, I will think better of judging people based on what they choose to blog about the next time. People blog for many reasons. The most common purpose of blogging is, I believe, to immortalize thoughts, contemplations, cogitations or reflections on one's life, or life in general, on an online diary. People blog about things they feel strongly about. I don't see the point of blogging if you've nothing significant to say. Somehow I feel that there is an unwritten obligation to all bloggers: either you blog about something and make it meaningful or you don't blog at all.

So, naturally, now unlike before, I do not expect to read happy posts everyday by people whose blogs I faithfully follow. Life ain't a bed of roses. It has its ups and downs. What ticks people off, what makes their day, what excites them, what confuses them, basically anything under the sun that makes them feel will be put into words and expressed via a blog post.

If you have been following my blog and paying close attention to this post, maybe you'll figure out the reason behind my decline in blog posts as of late. I did say maybe!;)

I've been incredibly, unbelievably stupid.

Do you know someone who only calls or texts you when he/she needs a favor from you? You only exist when he/she needs something. Did a certain somebody's name cross your mind as it registered these words before your eyes?

If not, you're lucky. Cos unfortunately having this person in your life is a burden, both emotionally and physically.

*

I don't want to believe that you're using me. The idea of it disgusts me. I don't want to be forced to realize that you regard me as a person who is worthy of your friendship only because I obediently do what you ask of me, as and when. That you're taking advantage of me. I don't believe that you are, by nature, a person of such demeanor. Are you asking of me so much because you are willing to do just that much for me?

And I don't understand why, in the past, time and time again, I have given in to you.

There's a first time for everything. Such applies to saying no the next time you impose on me.

Uncertainty is a bitch

Label me as being importune, but I am so sick of trying to get through to you people, confirming if you're coming tomorrow. Seriously, I am. I don't understand how you cannot give me a straight answer. Yes, I'm coming. Or no, I'm afraid I won't be able to join. I'm not forcing you to make it. I just need assurance. Yes or no. That's all I need to hear. Walk a mile in my shoes and imagine being the middleman or the one who is responsible for passing on the message to the rest of the people about a meetup.

P.S. The meetup is with an ex-lecturer and is concerning studies, so yup, it's important considering Finals is 23 days away.

You tell me you have plans tomorrow morning and might not be able to come for the meetup in the afternoon. Plans with your friends. Well, why can't you can get off early and tell them you have something important in the afternoon, so you can give me a definite yes? Or decide to spend the entire day with your friends, so you can give me a solid no? Why give me all this iffy shit?

You say you'll come tomorrow if you are free during that time. Excuse me? How can you not know if you're gonna be free tomorrow during the decided time? You're a spontaneous* person and you're gonna bail if something comes up tomorrow that inopportunely coincides with this meetup? Very well then. Please help me to understand why in the first place, you claimed to be interested in everything that is going to be settled in the meetup.

What is so tremendously difficult and supposedly painful about deciding whether this meetup is worth your time, and telling me straight up whether or not you will be coming?

Perhaps I shouldn't care so much. You're reluctant to come? Fine. Don't feed me your excuses as though I'm begging you to come. Cos frankly, I can't hear you over all the fucks I don't give.

*I have nothing against spontaneity. In fact, I love it. You know, never making plans, just going with what the weather and mood permits. But please, sometimes you gotta know when to get a grip and make a decision.

and it's not theirs to speculate

Hi, I'm lackadaisical.

I'm slightly irked that the Internet connection at the condo is so slow. So slow, even my phone loads faster. Gotta love 3G. So yup, I'm blogging from my phone.
Recent changes in the timetable made by ms. Rose have granted me the privilege of sleeping in on Wednesday mornings and for that I'm ever so grateful towards my Maths lecturer.
We got back our exam results. Our marks have not been finalized, but as of now, I'm satisfied with them. Especially Maths which I surprisingly aced. It is unexpected considering my negative take on the subject following the release of our first sem results 3 months ago.
Got through 2 hurdles today, English trial oral exam and a Psychology in-class assessment based on a movie we watched yesterday. Am super relieved they're over,as I know I now have to direct my energy elsewhere. For something of insurmountable importance, which is the Mock exams coming up in 2.5 weeks time.
I need inspiration.

if you have 2 faces, at least make 1 of them presentable.

I like doubles. A double prosperity burger generally equates to double the happiness and satisfaction.
Though I'm not sporty, I don't mind a round of tennis. Doubles, while you're at it.
Double scoops of ice-cream on a scorching day is heavenly, as is double servings of creamy chicken porridge when you're famished.

But you know what I absolutely detest? Double treatment. Not sure if it is an actual term, but what I'm trying to get across is how some people act completely differently in the midst of different people. I don't understand how certain people have the capacity to do just that. Such retards might as well make do with writing "HI, I'M SO FAKE, I PUT PLASTIC TO SHAME" on their foreheads in permanent ink to save themselves some dignity, and to spare those around them from their utter hypocrisy. Sure, they may mumble "my attitude is based on how you treat me". This quote undoubtedly holds true in the lives of many, as can be seen by the many retweets, reblogs and status updates of this quote on Twitter, Tumblr and Facebook respectively. My comeback to their flimsy defence? I'd tell them straight that all that junk cluttered in the 4 pitiful lobes of their brains has left them slightly confused over how others treat them, and how others just are.
Allow me clarify something. This is directed towards those who dare to step all over others and impose their supposed superiority upon them due to the nature of the personality of the victims. Stereotypes do come into play, so at this point, I'd like to say,

Me being seemingly submissive to your 'witty' satire is not a permit for you to constantly bear that attitude w me. Know your limits,bitch.

If you have suffered a terrible brain injury like the one Phineas Gage endured in 1848 or have had a split-brain surgery that has caused you to have split personalities, then this rant is not directed to you, dear one. But what makes my blood boil is how psychologically sound people can bring themselves to commit to such abominable dimensions.

this or that

Currently in a dilemma of whether I should switch from iPhone to Blackberry. There's been constant controversy on the net over which is superior and hours of reading reviews on both brands tells me that at the end of the day, it all boils down to your personality and preference. There's no saying for sure which phone is better. Both brands have certainly awed the world with their state-of-the-art technology. Wanting the best out of the device in the palm of their hands that functions as a portable PC has caused somewhat of a craze among hardcore trend followers. The ongoing debate over which outshines the other is indeed exhausting and mind-boggling.
The iPhone is an internationally recognized symbol of status. Boasting the multitude of various applications that Apple has to offer plus it being extra user-friendly or easy to use, the iPhone has won the hearts of millions of users worldwide regardless of age.
Contrarily, the equally enticing Blackberry with the amazing Blackberry Messenger that makes it a class of its own, its awesome qwerty physical keypad, it being the ultimate tool for staying connected with the world, and its overall classy look (I like to think of Blackberrys as the BMWs in the automobile industry), Blackberrys are just as appealing as iPhones.
Sigh, should I just stick with my iPhone?

life's rules on people and relationships

from being able to communicate just by looking at each other and sitting together in comforting silence, sharing inside jokes and reaching the point in friendship where insults make everything more interesting, to the awkward stage where we exchange indolent smiles when we pass each other in hallways, and finally the disturbing breaking point where we unconsciously program ourselves to be oblivious to each other's existence. When we completely avoid eye contact, see through each other and do not exchange so much as a nod or smile of acknowledgement.

Distance and time, the both of you should be exiled from endurance.

tear gas and water cannons

Blogging from college again:) Free periods after lunch are the best. Minus the part where Katriyn and I are shushed by the noise controller woman in the library who doesn't know how to smile. Asdfghjkl. This reminds me of a post I reblogged in Tumblr. I swear that site is pro at articulating thoughts we never knew we had. Or perhaps thoughts we never dared to mention. ;)

Scrolling through the insane tweets from here and having a good laugh, I must say.

In relation to the title of this entry, Rekka told us her side of the story on the Bersih rally. It's so awesome to have a lecturer who's a hardcore supporter of the Walk for Democracy and who was in the midst of the commotion (solely caused by the blue suits) on Saturday. The sugar-coated claims in the mainstream media do not bear even half the amount the truth contained in an eyewitness testimony. Suck on that, losers! ;)